My country is filled with great people
It is filled with so many people
Who care about me,
My country is full of men
Who don’t want me to be a homosexual.
Because they want to save the country
From a disease.
My country is filled with men like Ramdev Baba,
Who is so benevolent
And tells me that he will cure me
He says that I should do yoga
So that I am cured of liking someone of my own sex
He teaches me that homosexuality is unnatural
Shows me my parents and says
See, they are not homosexual
Hence they had you
You come to me,
I will cure you of this ailment too.
Saath hee sath, weight loss bhi hojaega.
Ek teer do nishaana,
Ramdev baba ne hai thana,
Ki jo bhi karega apne hee jaise se pyaar,
Uska wo karenge upchaar.
Aapa aabhar, hamesha yaad rahega Ramdev Baba,
Thanks for your advice,
I will think about it.
My country is filled with MPs, Khap Panachayats,
Who tell my boyfriends
that they should not touch non vegetarian food
Or else they have more tendency to rape
They tell us to switch off our phones
Not watch porn
Because that might just lead to rape.
Do not eat chowmein
The smell might just excite your libido.
Ab inhone mujhe batayi ek nayi kahani,
Mujhe bataya ki ladkon ke khan paan par
Kyonki agar ye kuch galat khaenge,
To apna frustration ladki ke izzat par nikalenge.
Khoob kaha! Thanks for letting me know this,
I will think about it.
My country is filled with people like Asaram Bapu
Who told a rape victim
That she should have call guy who
Was intent on raping her,
So that the things would not have escalated.
Arey tune inke achche shabdon ko
Suna kyon nahi
Jo teri izzat lene pe tula tha,
Usay brother zone kar deti,
Agar Sarojini ke aaspass hoti,
To bus se nikalkar,
Ek rakhi band deti.
Kaise Rape karta!
Uske ghar me bhi ma-behen haina!
Thanks Asaram Bapu,
Next time a man looks at my breast,
I will go upto him and touch his feet
Call him my brother,
And hug him, give him a kiss on his cheek
Even Vikas Bahl tells me this
That the world women want
Is not a world with NO men
Who look at them with voyeurism,
But men who will remain lecherous
But will not act upon it.
They will, let us be.
Thanks a lot.
This is exactly the country
I want to live in,
I want to live in this amazing country
With so many people
Telling me the right way to live my life
With such good sound advices
Even my own mother should learn from them.
Thanks, my country,
You have taught me,
I don’t have to make any choices,
Because for making them,
I need to have one.