Sunday, August 30, 2015

An Appeal to Both Men and Women Out There

Sunday, August 9, 2015

These Painful Terms!

Nowadays I don't really understand what 'decent' stands for. What is decent? Who decides what is decent? Sometimes I feel the word is so badly misused that it has led to hundred many problems of our times. 
What conventionally decency means is conforming with generally accepted standards of respectable or moral behaviour.
Conformity, generally accepted, standards, respectable/moral behaviour. Such heavily loaded words that my eyes twitch when I look at them, let alone read. Conformity is something which is now being questioned on so many levels- conform to what, why, how and when it is okay not to. Why do we need to conform is often quoted as the 'rebel's phrase'. But no one has an answer to it. The answers vary, but aren't satisfactory. 'Because we don't want anarchy', 'because that's the way it has always been' are two topmost replies. Anarchy? What do you think is going on now? Superb simple democracy itself has turned into a anarchical institution. Sometimes I feel it is almost a widely accepted misnomer. 

 The word conform means  behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards. The last part of the sentence again clashes with what decency means.  Generally acceptable- Socially Acceptable. Accepted Standards- Conventions.  But who determined the generality? What makes something 'acceptable'? Many would say what most people do is what most people are okay with. That is one easy way to say what 'widely accepted' is. It is what is widely done. This is why left handers are still seen as potential murderers ( sorry for the exaggeration, sense my frustration) because well, they form just 10% of a population. If it isn't practised by many, maybe it isn't right.

But we never tend to question WHY in this case. Why is something not practised by many? Fear? Ignorance? Bias? If bias, then of what kind? 

For ease, let me take an example. Couples were thrown out of hotel rooms for public indecency. Many people said it was right- not everyone takes 'get a room' literally. But then, when PDA is seen as something 'indecent', now sharing a bed with your loved one in a private space is indecent too. The argument provided is- they aren't loved ones approved by law, hence they can't stay in a public property to carry out personal shenanigans. But wait, isn't a room in a hotel my property when I have paid the expenses? People will say it is just a matter of glossed over prostitution. Wow, that escalated real quick. 

I never really understood what law has to do with relationships which are made out of mutual consent. Laws should be for problems after the mutual consent, or problems where there is no consent but force. Two people, who are happy with each other, what is a public rule got to do with that? Maybe I am being myopic, but then I feel our government just wastes time in petty things while there are issues in the same domain such as sexual harrassment, domestic violence looming at large. 

Conventions-standards-morals- high time we take individuals' individuality seriously, see them as wholes and not as a random figure in a murder of crows. This group-thinking will lead us closer to the point of nadir, point of no return.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Saary gaais!

I was dormant due to the lack of internet connection and third year of college has started taking its toll on me. I shall be back soon. Stay tuned.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

You can have any colour, as long as it is black.

In the light of the recent controversy in my college, I feel very sad that my relatives, who never congratulated me when I got into the institution, woke up asking about the sexual harassment case in the college because according to them, they felt sad for me and were concerned. Suddenly, those who did not know about the college's good aspects, or just like the rickshaw wallahs in NCampus, did not know which college Stephen's is, know about the college because of this case, or because of the various issues that make the front cover of all the major dailies. It does not come as a surprise, because it is just human tendency to incline towards someone or something's misery. 

Another problem is, ( not related to the controversy) the students protests- are done mostly by either people who are recent pass-outs, or are in third year's last semester, obviously because then they have nothing to lose.  Haha, nothing to lose. My own friends warn me of the 'consequences' of my ideas of open protests against college issues. 'Do it after you pass out'- they say. Residence is based on merit, and if I write or say something bad about the college, that diminishes my merit. (I went through an interview, taken by the principal- who remembered I am a blogger and am an avid reader of Freudian analysis of human psyche. Say anything, the fact that he remembered the littlest of things about me, shows that he listens, which is a very admirable quality. I believe in giving credit when and where it is due.)

One of the frontrunners of the curfew issue of our college lived in residence for most of the time in college and wrote against college only after passing out. Who wants their parents to suffer more to live in Delhi just because our adrenaline got the better of us? No one. Our condition is like the stereotypical uncle/aunty in an Indian marriage, often quoted in stand up comedies I have seen- he/she takes everything available in the buffet, eats it, hates some dishes too, burps and is done with the plate and while eating the amazing dessert he goes and tells the organiser the food was great. But then goes out, turns to a friend says- Ghatiya tha khaana, kuch bhi sahi nahi tha. Wo to usne meko bhare plate ke sath dekh liya to bolna padha ( Everything was bad, nothing was all that great. He saw me with a full plate so I had to say it.)

We talk against our college issues under pseudonyms, S.P.I.C.E ( Stephanians will understand this) and in hushed tones. We write allegorical articles to tell about our problems. I remember a friend of mine had to turn down her article before it got on many hands, because it compared dogs to girls. We all need to retain a privilege. There is a Hindi proverb I am translating here crudely- No one wants to drill a hole in the plate they are eating. Wow, I have a lot of food metaphors in this piece.

This is exactly the case with majority of students in not only Stephen's, but I guess, every institution where there is Althusserian interpellation everywhere (the only thing I liked learning in last semester's Literary theory). And it is something we have signed up for ourselves. We give and take simultaneously in this process, without any gap in time. We are tricked into having a choice but we really don't. As Henry Ford said- You can have any color, as long as it is black. I think from this sentence, you can finish your own stories. 


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

An Open letter Against the Mooh Kholna Ad of Cadbury

An open letter to Cadbury,
 I hate your ad (, straight up.  The 'mooh kholna' in a public place because a guy gets baffled as there is a boy who has long hair (maybe transgender, or just choosing to have long hair?) and whose mother actually looks like a father ( a man, you mean)- what exactly is your message? Are you saying that our world is developing really fast and you support the development and some people are just in for a suprise ( a happy surprise? ) or are you just being plain transphobic?

Is it a joke on the transgender people who choose to accept their identities in public, or is it a funny 'acceptance' of such people in public and you are choosing to shut the gawking faces with your product? What exactly was your intention?

Why should I eat your product? Because you chose to show a person who just cannot take the surprise of a man-like woman or a woman-like man or anything of that sort? Do you see the absurdity of all of it?

What is your point? Do you want more people to gawk at people who choose to be the way they are or shut our mouths with your chocolate because we should not gawk at them?

Maybe I am giving good, justified reasons to your utterly and blatant transphobic ad. Because only few of us understand what is the seriousness of this ad, maybe people who you cater to, which is whole of India, might not understand the wrongness of it and might take it in face value.

Which is dangerous. As a brand, you should never portray a very ambiguous opinion to such a burning topic and way of life.

I fail to understand, truly. And I really want you to answer your intention behind the advertisement for a better understanding of your message.

Thank you.
Yours truly,
A person who does not gawk at people's choices.

Sunday, June 21, 2015


I am a girl because I have a vagina. That's what they say.
But that's my sex they say.
But I lack a gender.
I lack a gender because I feel pressurised into growing my nails and putting paint on them and I feel that's just not me.
I lack a gender because I forget to put kohl everyday and I don't want to be less pretty if I don't.
I lack a gender because I love shows that show food and drinks and traveling and I just can't take shows that tell me that my freckles need to be perfected because they aren't ladylike.
I never knew my vagina came with so many warning signs.
warning sex means you lose a part of your vagina which is directly proportional to purity of your Sexuality. I broke my hymen by swimming in a swimming pool. My virginity was taken by a pool of seven feet of water and not a seven inch cock or a hungry vagina . these aren't my terms that's what you have taught me.
I lack a gender because I hate definitions. I lack gender because I hate ending conversations and playing hard to get.
I lack gender because my mind loves a woman but my vagina asks for a man but sometimes that is swapped too. I have dreams of dating Nicole Kidman and Matt Bomer. Matt Bomer is gay. By the way.
With so many complications, who will you marry they ask me.
I will marry
An individual who lacks a gender too.
Whose penis, or lack of a penis doesn't define who he or she or they or whatever is.
Because we all lack a gender.
We are free souls and no gender should bind us.
Free yourself from a gender.
Be yourself.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Bhains ke aagey been bajana!

An Open Letter To Aunty in the Movie Ticket Line:

To the aunty and her jeeja who told me to behave like a girl, just because I told the woman not to cross the line and come forward in a movie ticket line ( subtly telling them to act civil and you know, following a normal rule), to the woman who retorted by saying "Mai aapka ticket chheen rahi hoon kya?" ( Am I snatching your ticket?), to the woman who told me to mind my language when I told her to "Please be in line, aunty", because then she said "Bhains jaisi ladki mujhe aunty bula rahi hai!" ( A girl who looks like a buffalo is calling me an aunty):

I am sorry. I was just trying to make you understand that it is no waste of time to stand in line, and telling you to do so does not make me a bhains. Also, I don't look like a bhains, which is a very beautiful animal. I bet being a very authentic Chhattisgarhi, which I knew from your accent, aap bhains ka hee doodh peeti hongi. But yes, that is inconsequential.

What I told you was nothing out of the box, I told you to be in line. But you chose to talk about my body, and your "jeeja" told me to act like a girl, and you added to him and said she is showing hands and talking. I had to, because my father also told you to be in line and you suddenly started shouting in your topmost voice because you were trying to make a victim position out of being a woman in a public place and get odds against my father, who is well, of course, a man. Above that, he had a fractured hand so for your own safety, as the cast could hit you if you tried to squeeze in ( why do so much when you can simply stand behind me), he told you to be in line.

 To that I want to say that many women like you exist, who are making this society even more vulnerable to problems- you accept a victim position and try to use it against both men and women when sometimes yes, you are in the wrong for the most basic of things. You might as well have shouted "molestation" if only my father was there to shout at you and I was not there, because that would have made your case easy. Then your jeeja would have come and acted like a man to save you, just like he did here, to save you from me. Why don't you understand you are not a victim and you don't need a man to save you? Why do you accept a victim position and are an enemy to more women and men? Why do people like you do not let this society grow? Being a woman is not being a victim. Please, do not give the wrong message to the society by accepting and using this position which other women can do away and do better away with.

I just told you to buy your ticket after me. And you put the entire bogus mindset we still have in front of me. I loved the movie I watched afterwards, but you, you showed me an entire picture of this nation.

Ye to bhains ke aagey been bajana hogaya, is what came in my mind.