Wednesday, December 21, 2011

25 CHARACTERISTICS OF THE BIG INDIAN EVENT

The Big Fat Indian Wedding


An Indian wedding has so much to say and convey. It is not just a mere occasion for making two genders bond together, but it is something which tells a lot about our culture, tradition and values.

An Indian wedding, is not like any other culture's wedding- it is a huge, i really mean- HUGE occasion in a person's life. The funny thing is, it is a huger thing for the others who ATTEND the marriage, rather than who are actually marrying. Because it is not any christian wedding, which takes an hour or two and gets over. It is AN EVENT that TAKES PLACE for 5 to 6 days, maybe more. The whole preparation starts from 6 months before marriage, - it takes so much time to OCCUR, that couples sometimes tend to forget the date of their engagement, which must have been another eventful day for OTHERS, some 3 months ago- making the whole "Bond" sum up to 9 months or say 10 months. Phew! marriage is something.

My cousin got married, and that is why this topic struck me. Though I wont be able to understand the EMOTIONAL part of it, my eagle eyes were able to calculate some things,which can be applied for every damn Indian wedding.

These are some characteristics of Indian wedding, just in case you need it in future ( You can take these characteristics as BENCHMARKS, and then measure whether your wedding was a TYPICAL Indian wedding or not.)

Ok I feel like Anushka Sharma, talking about marriage and its characteristics- she was the one who made "wedding plan" look cool.


These are some "predictable patterns" of Indian marriage that can remove the Coolness to some extent.

1. ALL THE OLD GRANNIES AND GRANDMA WILL HATE THE WAY THE BRIDE LOOKS.
2. ALL THE OLD GRANNIES AND GRANDMA WILL SAY THAT THE SARI OF BRIDE LOOKS VERY CHEAP, HOW CAN IT COST 20000????

3. ALL THE FRIENDS OF THE GROOM WILL HIT ON THE FRIENDS OF THE BRIDE.
AND VICE VERSA.

4. THE BRIDE AND GROOM WONT KNOW HALF OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTENDING THE MARRIAGE.

5. THE BRIDE WILL HAVE 20 SARIS, FOR EVERY 20 MINUTES.

6. THE GUY CAN WORK WITH 5 SHERWANIS, OR OTHER TRADITIONAL WEAR- BUT IT NECESSARILY HAS TO BE LESS THAN THE BRIDE.

7. RED COLOUR RULES. IF NO RED, MARRIAGE CANCELLED.

8. BEFORE ARRANGING A MARRIAGE HALL, A CATERER IS GOD.

9. CATERER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE BRIDE AND THE BRIDE GROOM.

10. THE GROOM'S POCKET IS TREASURY.

11. BEST EXAMPLES OF CROCODILE TEARS ARE FOUND HERE.

12. THE PANDIT IS THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD.

13. THE FRIENDS ARE MORE EXCITED FOR THE MARRIAGE AND THE HONEYMOON- RATHER THAN THE COUPLE ITSELF.

14. THE OLD AUNTIES FEEL IMPORTANT AGAIN IN LIFE- EVERY TWO SECONDS THEY ADVICE THE BRIDE OF DOING SOMETHING- FOR EXAMPLE- KEEP HIM IN YOUR HANDS, DON'T LET HIM WANDER OR GO ASTRAY. AS IF TELLING HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A DOG.

15. GROOM IS THE DOG, BTW.

16. BRIDE HAS TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL, IF SHE DOES NOT, MARRIAGE MUHURTAM CAN BE EXTENDED.

17. A PANDIT HAS THE MOST WEIRDEST RINGTONE, AND HIS PHONE IS NOT IN THE SILENT MODE.

18. SOME OLDIES WONT LIKE THE FOOD, NOT BECAUSE THE FOOD IS NOT REALLY GOOD, BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO LIKE IT.

19. INDIAN MARRIAGES FOLLOW A VERY UNIQUE PATTERN---> 1 MARRIAGE= MORE MARRIAGES IN THE FUTURE. I.E- THE PEOPLE VISITING THE MARRIAGE NOT COME FOR ATTENDING THE MARRIAGE, BUT TO SEARCH FOR A BRIDE AND GROOM FOR THEIR OWN KIDS- AND IF SUCCESSFUL, THE PLANS FROM PREPARATION TO EXECUTION, EVERYTHING IS DECIDED IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S MARRIAGE.

20. FOOD WASTAGE IS THE LARGEST IN INDIAN MARRIAGES.

21. GOSSIP MONGERS ARE THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

22. SOMETIMES, MARRIAGE IS NOT ABOUT BONDING, IT IS ABOUT PLOTTING AGAINST EACH OTHER. NOT THAT THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM PLOT AGAINST, THEIR FAMILIES DO.

23. YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THE LIFE EXPECTANCY RATE OF INDIA HAS INCREASED IN MARRIAGES.

24. BRIDE AND THE GROOM ALWAYS ARE IN THE SEARCH OF AN OPPORTUNITY- TO GET AWAY FROM THE WHOLE RITUALS AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

25. IF THE MONEY SPENT ON INDIAN MARRIAGES- JEWELLERIES, SARIS, SHERWANIS, FOOD, DECORATION, IS CALCULATED, IT CAN AMOUNT TO SUCH A VALUE, WHICH CAN ACTUALLY REMOVE THE POVERTY IN INDIA.
( THE SURPRISING THING IS, EVEN THOUGH THE POOR PEOPLE IN INDIA DO NOT HAVE FOOD TO EAT, THEY SAVE MONEY FOR TWO THINGS- LIQUOR AND MARRIAGES )





P.S: EVERY POINT MAY NOT APPLY TO EVERY MARRIAGES. BUT THEN, TRUTH IS THE TRUTH AND ONE MUST AGREE TO IT.

5 comments:

Sivaguru Selvam said...

xD!

As usual. :P

geetaz said...

very true.....almost reality

thepyjamawarrior said...

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You might want to check this link http://thepyjamawarrior.wordpress.com/2011/12/26/liebster-blog-award/

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mihika said...

Exactly.......why can't it be graceful????? like christian weddings???? and the BAND WALAS.......why in the marriage they play all those rubbish item songs???????? THAT'S THE WORST PART I FEEL!!!!