She wrote in her journal, and then was in for a surprise soon-If we are going through a crucial time of life- like, going for an exam, or having a busy married life, we feel we don't need any intrusions, any engagements, any blockage in the fully functioning life. But still, there is always something new planned for us. It is not because of some "lord above", but it is because that "intrusion" did not know you did not want it to come. But then you still accept it the way it comes, and you have to mend your ways.
Here, the intrusion being a person. A living being, flesh and blood. You first feel- "What may go wrong? He/She is just human. What possibly can he/she do?
But still, there is a weird thought lurking in your subconscious- WHAT IF? What if I lose my way? What if I go out of the line? What if I distract myself? What if this person is not worth the time I spend for him/her?
But you still go on talking, conversing. You make your moral principles happy by telling it to someone- mom, dad, husband, wife or a close friend- telling that I am talking to this person, and he/she is very nice. Hope I don't lose my way. They keep you at bay, they tell you indirectly- Go on, but do not lose your way.
Then the person talks about his/her problems, his/her miseries, his/her daily life, and you simply reciprocate the same. He/she tells you a secret, you balance it with my telling him/her another. And then you realise your private life is not so private.
And then when you think this thing has become so profound, the person is GONE. He/She is gone, maybe not for permanence, but still, that temporary period is itself so long, that you cant bear it. But you also feel bad that if I am thinking so much, is the same thing being reciprocated from there? You try to ask, but it is too late. Maybe his/her phone's switched off, or he/she is just not available. When a person's gone, you get to think more of that person and have so many questions. Human mind is so weird, so torturing.
And still, you feel- What is the use? Will he/she materialise? Will he/she remember you after 10 years if you lose contact? Will you EVER lose contact? Would you meet someday? Would he/she like to meet someday?
So many questions. So many weird thoughts. Gah- new friendships can be torturing, and yet you revel in them.
How is that a person who you never knew ( you knew, but never took interest or had never been intrigued) can become an integral part of your life? And it is so funny, that if the person stays with you, physically or virtually, is gone for like 2 days, you feel so distraught that you feel there is nothing else to do. At the same time you feel useless, worthless, because THAT person has got some reason to spend his/her day, and that is why he/she is unavailable and you send yourself on a guilt trip thinking- then why am I sitting here thinking of him/her?
Then there comes a time where you think YOU are doing more than the person wants. You are talking more, you are sending more mails, you are chatting more, you are wondering about him/her more. But because you balance things quiet well, you do not destroy other things for it. But still, he/she stays at some remote corner in your mind.
I know that this is not some "LOVE" matter. I really, am not into all that bullshittery- the way I want to put it. I just have found a person after such a long time who actually "listens" ( more like, read) what you want to say. He/she is not available in person. He/she is just words in your inbox. He/she is just virtual, the temporary screen on your computer. You can shut the whole correspondence by shutting the lid of your laptop. He/she wont judge you, he/she wont judge the way you look. the way you dress, the way you walk, talk, move your mouth while you talk. He/she just responds to the REAL you- which he/she in the form of words. And because you have so much liberty, you tell him/her so many things, which you must have told to your mum, or NO-ONE. ( Though she knew nothing hides from her MOM. She is some kind of soothsayer.)
She closed her journal, and went on to a library to read a book. She came across this one called "Love, Virtually". When she saw the word "love", she was like- "Bleh! Not my thing." But then she was intrigued by the style of the book, it was written in an email format.
It was about 2 people who accidentally met on the internet, and started conversing. She was intrigued, because last 7 days she was having a virtual correspondence too.
And she just sat there and started reading the book, and she was taken aback by some things in the book-
1. The woman is married, i.e a crucial engagement in life. But she still continues to talk to this stranger. The same way she had started talking to this person, who was not a total stranger, but still anonymous to her REAL life.
2. The woman found that she told him things she had not told anyone else. The same way SHE had done.
3. The woman does not want this whole conversation to happen. But it gradually happens. And she goes with the flow.
4. The man talks to the woman about his sad happenings. The woman starts supporting him, talking it out for him. The same thing SHE had done.
5. The woman was married, she already had things to look forward to. But she looked forward to his mails the most. THE SAME WAY she did- even though she was not married, she had many crucial things to do in life- give exams, write projects etcetera. But end of the day she looked forward to the mails.
6. The woman had made her moral principles happy by telling that she is talking to this person on the net. The same way SHE had told her friend and mother.
7. The woman and man face a lot of issues, fight, but then resolve. They want to meet in person, but they never do. And when the woman wants to tell him something important, (SPOILER), the man is gone.
"Some books can really relate to your life so much, and it is so freaky- She thought."
But she secretly hoped, the 7th point should not come true.
Then she receives a message-
"Cant come online. Would try to stay in touch"
She is gobsmacked.
She goes to the book shop keeper and asks- Is there a sequel to this book, by any chance?
"Yes of course there is. But we don't have it at the moment."
She GOOGLED about the book. and somewhere she read- "Thank God this has a happy ending."
This small thing, relieved her.
It is so funny, humans can resort to weird things to relieve themselves from miseries. Here it was an unread book's random review, and she went on to believe all will be well.
She then got a message-
She went on ordering the book.
Someone rightly said-
It's tough to go on without hope. Hope is how we thrive.