Sunday, February 17, 2013

Nebulous Sunlight


To the girls who have been the victims of rape, domestic violence or violence of any kind- 

Nebulous Sunlight

The wind blows,
and I look towards the window,
the chill of the weather,
makes me feel full of sorrow.

I look at the glass,
and I see that its moist,
I cant see anything,
but blurred green patches,                                                         
grey -white patterns.

I put my hand on the glass,
and wipe away the fog,
I want to see what is outside.

My hands clear it away,
I see the green grass,
and the fog comes again.

It tells me,
you are not allowed yet-
to go out,
to live again, 
to start again.

You can't wipe me away.
No matter how much you try,
I am going to come again.

I,
become nostalgic,
and do something
which I did with my friends in the school bus.

I wrote on the fog
"Let me go"
and it stayed for a while.
And it vanished, again.

I lost hope and
locked myself in the bathroom,
I turned on the tap.
Scalding hot water,
brings fog to the mirror too.

I was crying, looking at my ageing face.
And the water was condensing on the window,
slowly, it engulfed my chin, my lips,
my nose, my eyes.

And I couldn't see anything,
but just a white figure,
against a tiled background.

I wiped it again and again,
I wanted to see my face,
my face which had embraced ugliness,
which had suffered so much,
which was once the joy for many,
and now the receiver of odd grimaces.

No matter how much I tried to
make myself sad,
the fog did not allow me to see myself
the way I wanted to.

I came outside,
thumped on my bed,
wept badly.

I wept with open eyes,
I wanted to feel the tears dropping,
they dropped over the scars of my face,
it hurt, but
I had managed to get hurt more before.

Slowly,
the tears swelled up my eyes,
the ceiling above me,
started blurring.
It was fogging,
my eyesight.

Something forced me,
to close my eyes.

What I could only think-
"Why couldn't the fog,
hide my past?"


I woke up,
I didnt know how long it was,
Something struck on my eyes and it
made me open them.

Sunlight, fresh air,
smell of the pansies.

The clouds are still a little dark,
but the mighty sun smiles and shines.

Brightly.

I walked up to the window,
and I could see something written on it.


"Let me go"-

the fog had left the words imprinted on the window,   
and the sunlight smiled at me.

I gathered courage,
looked at the mirror,
made up my hair,
smiled at my bits of beauty.

Took my hat and opened the door.

"Fog, forget what I said before.
You dont hide my past,
because you know,
you pave way for the Sun."

- Prerna!


Image courtesy-

thegeminigeek.com, manhandledthreads.blogspot.com

2 comments:

Susan Deborah said...

I see hope and that's good.

Joy always,
Susan

Anonymous said...

Profound......