Saturday, February 2, 2013

Put it to action.

For this very blogpost, I would like to remember Alexander's lines-

"Doing Doing Doing. That is all that matters."


I wake up with these vague images in the middle of the night.

I see a girl child on a cradle, who is crying. I don't know who she is. Her face seems blurred, but she is crying. 
Then I see a familiar image. Of my mother, maybe?
She is sitting with her head down, squeezed in a corner of the room. She is sobbing, and clutching her hair with her hands.
Suddenly I see two familiar faces again, who are shouting at her, mocking, ridiculing. 
My grandparents?

The woman joins hands and asks for mercy.

And then suddenly the nightmare ends.

I wake up, I see myself in sweat. Even though my AC is on, I am drenched. 

I go and tell my mother this. Her face freezes. She is stunned.

And then she tells that it was indeed her, and the kid was indeed me. She is surprised, how my mind has stored the images of something 20 year old. She tells me how she was brought to an unknown place, married at an early age, and how she was left to the demons when dad wasn't there. How they mocked at her because she overslept, because the whole night she was looking after her kid! How they passed ridiculous comments when she just walked outside the house for some fresh air?

But then she tells me, actually orders me- "This should not change your attitude towards your grandparents. They are older than you and you should respect their age."
Why does age override everything else? Why are you supposed to behave well, be submissive, comply to authority which is wrong? Why can't a woman, when beaten up, or verbally abused, walk out of the house instantly with her kid, and live in the society happily? Why does even society matter here? She can't do it. Because she is just 20? She can't take care of her self? So why was she even married at that age? Why cant a boy fight his parents when he sees his wife getting abused? Where does his manhood go?Why does it hide behind his "small age"?
Making a woman marry against her will, then beating her up, making her bear a child, and then commanding good behaviour, is a mark of insanity. Our constitution, society, race does not support Insanity. All women should know, they should marry when they want to. Heck, if they DO NOT want to marry, they may as well not marry. And no one has the right to pass comments, suspect her sexuality, or hush-hush about her being "something else".We were born for living our own lives, not for ruining others'.

I still remember, 17 years ago,
I sat for eating dinner along with my brother. He had taken 2 extra rotis. He realised it after eating when he was half way done, and told my mother to take it. She refused, and without asking me, put it on my plate, even though I was done eating. My mother forced me to eat it, saying "It is your brother's left-over, you should not deny eating it."

Some months later, I was the one with the extra food. It went straight to the dustbin.

I also remember, my pencil box and school bag ( along with many other things) were not mine, my brother's were handed over to me because he got new ones. I was the one who was told to "come inside the house by 5", and my brother often played outside till 9.

Why is that the boy in the family is treated like a God? Why is the girl the patent dustbin of the house? Why is she restricted from going outside because boys can hit on them instead of making boys learn how to respect woman? 
I am writing this today here because brother brought gifts for his kids today. I told him, as I had not seen what he had bought them- "Ofcourse, now Rakshita has to use Ravi's old toys isn't it?" He was taken aback and said- "Of course not. I brought her a Doll house."

If every modern adolescent knows that there IS gender partiality, they should not blame the customs, but should be the change they want to be. No one is going to change and bring a whole new system but you. If your sister was shown partiality and you could not do anything because of your "age" (here we go again), at least make it a point to treat your daughter in the right way. Moreover, welcome a daughter heartily in your life first.


I was walking down the road, and I heard a girl saying to a middle-aged man, "Zyaada kia to sexual assault ka case kardoongi."

What had he done? Asked for rent twice on the same day and threatened to make her leave the house by calling some authority.

Yet another day, I heard a girl saying "I just raped the question paper." ( Meaning being she did well.)

One day I had to console a girl because she was crying on a comment passed by a guy saying "Tujhe kaun rape karega? Dekha hai apne aap ko?"

She was sad because she was not "attractive enough" to be even "seen by guys", not because she was indirectly connected with that hideous word "Rape".

When girls themselves have taken these matters in such an abominable direction, what can we possibly do to mend them? Why is chivalry expected when there is a fight for gender equality? Why is there no word for a woman showing respect to a man? Of course, women are in worse condition than men. But still, if it is all about equality, why not in every aspect of "gender roles"? Why is a man supposed to bow down and kiss a woman's hand, let her walk first?
Because alongwith chauvinism with a sprinkle of forced chivalry, comes hypocrisy. Chivalry, was actually  the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight- courage, honor  justice, and a readiness to help the weak .

 If you do not want men to look down upon you, do not expect them to open the door and let you walk first. Let girl and a guy walk together. Let the girl pull her own chair and sit in a restaurant. Let her open her own doors. Let chivalry be dead for good.


I just saw an episode of a Khap crime today. Parents killed her own daughter because she wanted to marry a man of a lower caste. Why is this impossible?

Because it breaks the chain of traditions. How can a high caste girl marry a lower caste boy?
How can she go against the old rural traditions?

Why the fear of "breaking the traditions?" The man and the woman who killed their own daughter, lived in a 3-floored bungalow, had a Porsche, worked in an office. Our tradition does not support extravagance. We are the country of ascetics aren't we? So if we really are ardent followers of tradition, why don't we live in huts? Why do we buy cars and all other materials when our "tradition" does not support materialistic life? Why don't we wear Traditional wear everyday? Why do we hold jobs according to our wills and make money when our rules do not prescribe hoarding of wealth?
Just because ancestors made us follow the traditions their elders made them follow, does not mean one will force his child to do the same. "Tradition" is just an excuse. It is mere intolerance. It is a feeling of "How can she afford to do what he wants when I was not able to?" The "tradition" is passed on because of this misplaced jealousy. If all the "rules" in our texts were followed "religiously", we would still be living in huts and eating out of alms.

Radha, Riddhima, Raj and Shyam after writing their diaries, logged into FB, updated random statuses, commented on each other's statuses, posted on each others' walls and had long chats with each other.

Next day they all went to college ( the same college). Radha passed by Riddhima, but did not acknowledge her presence, even though they had had a long conversation about some random film on Facebook. Raj and Riddhima did not even look at each other in class even though both of them had liked each others' profile pictures and had commented on it. Shyam said a very hesitant "hi" to Raj even though they had discussed Football on the net long time back.
When Raj went online that day, he sent a hi to Riddhima first.
Why is social networking making us more disconnected? Why have we lost the guts to talk face to face? Why is a person stranger in reality but a confidante in an anonymous, computerised relationship? 
We have "Windows" to open this anonymous "communication" but all doors are closed to reality, real face to face conversations.

We follow old rules, we follow traditions, we want to have a "just" society and we want "freedom of speech" for all of it to happen.

 But where will this come from when "speech" is just mere "words coming out of Qwerty" and not your vocal cord? We ourselves, have suppressed our voices behind those LCDs.

We have made the freedom go out of our hands ourselves.

This has made us more fearful, more inhibited. 

If everything needs to be solved, only one thing needs to be done-

Get out there out in the open, and LIVE LIFE in its full actuality. Talk, not just type. Voice your opinions to the person who matters, do not INBOX your feelings. Sign an actual petition, do not mail it. Solve problems, do not update a status about them or write a note and tag me or your friend in it. Because you know I don't care, and because I know you don't care yourself because if you really did, you would do something about it rather than making it a post in Facebook.

Do not just blog, go out there and do it.

This post is a part of Weekend contest at in association with Chanakya's New Manifesto


Manian said...

Thought provoking! People follow only those traditions in which they are comfortable and adopt newer ones which are to their advantage. Women are also to be blamed when it comes to gender bias, you can very easily witness it in a Ticket Queue where ladies hog the ticket window even though there is no separate line. If a man is sitting in a bus a woman can come and sit next to him, the same is not possible if a woman is sitting in a seat meant for everyone and the seat next to her is vacant. Most of the Indian women talk about the gender equality only till they are the target, once they have their own daughters, sons and daughter-in-laws, they are back to square one. Can only dream of a sea change in the thought process! But kudos to your thinking at this early stage of your life, way to go dear!

Abhilash Urmaliya said...

again your unabashed style in lambasting good old hypocrisy of the society bowled me over...great job!

Anonymous said...

Superb! very nice.

i have nominated your blog for 'Liebster Award', a gesture award for fellow bloggers. Details @ my blog.

Anonymous said...

i have nominated your blog for 'Liebster Award', a gesture award for fellow bloggers.

Susan Deborah said...

This sent a chill through my spine.
I have some problems with the last line though. Some of us are good at writing not getting down there as activists. Leave the others, I cannot do that. I can only write. And, isn't pen mightier than the sword (in this case, going out and protesting).

Nice to have stopped by.

Joy always,

sahi said...

all these things do happen in our society.. but there are circumstances that make women keep quite. well we cannot always go out and protest... sometimes we need to give time the time..

Kappu said...

Wow, this is not bashing but a reality on a plate for us to down it without thinking twice. The girl who wanted to leave her home, rape being just another comical word, the boy child being given the priority. Yes - we lag not just in good roads, we lag in broadmindedness (or level headed thinking). who cares about Indian roads being dirty, when the mind is already wormed filth?


Do stop by my write - Woman Hitler. Love to hear from you, Kappu!

vinodvv said...

too many stories don't know which one to address first. And I certainly believe you know the answers for most of your questions ;)

Keep em coming, but slow down to think before you ask questions.

gitanjali said...

First time here and i love your style :) off to read more posts!

Anonymous said...

nicely thought..the blogger has mentioned naked FACTS.. the story of radha : radha's grandparents BELIEVED that certain things are right and certain things are wrong..maybe radha's mother's BELIEFs in what is right and what is wrong were different to those of radha's grand parent's..radha and her mother were offended because their set of beliefs did not match with those of the grandparents..the same reason why many religious wars were fought..i am not judging that the grandparents are do we judge what is right and what is wrong..why is a rape considered wrong (i am not judging it is only asking a question why it is wrong) , why is a murder considered wrong , why are certain actions that are GENERALLY considered wrong, wrong and why are certain actions that are generally considered right,right. On what basis does one judge that is right and this is wrong.just because the society thinks rape is wrong and murder is wrong ,will they become wrong?..on what basis did law or society consider they are evils..consider the early man who is so called uncivilized..he dosent know what is right and what is wrong,which is a natural state of any other creature on earth..suppose he finds a woman .. because of the harmones in him he finds her attractive..he goes and rapes her..he somehow finds her a threat to his life then he kills her..should we call his actions wrong because we feel sympathy as the girl was helpless?..then what a tiger does to a deer or what any superior animal does to its inferior is unnatural and wrong..we think our minds are civilized..we judge what is right and what is wrong based on certain conclusions we made i know these conclusions have come from the society , from parents and some from our own thinking and analysis..maybe a rape was considered wrong because every individual felt uncomfortable or unpleasent when he/she was raped or atleast felt unpleasent when imagined that he/she was raped..therefore a society considered rape as wrong ..society is nothing but a group individuals..since every indiviual has the fear of death never wanted one'self to be murder was judged as i know,one judges right and wrong based on two phenomenon..1.) how one feels after the or during the action (one always wants to feel pleasant.nobody wants to be unpleasant) 2.) based on how the action affects one's desired GOAL.
it is just that radha's conclusions are different from those of her grand parents..that dosnt make radha right or her grandparents wrong..maybe they acted wisely in other matters and thats why radha's mother asked her to respect them ..not to their age but for their experience..if we consider age or experiance we should not think bad about old people for the same reason we dont think bad about children who commit mistakes..

Anonymous said...

regarding why society i know almost everybodys actions are based on a certain thing called RESPECT..i would say the following words or feelings are synonyms of respect with slight variations ..deep in everybodys heart many wants to be..respected or revered or acknowledged ,wants to be known as prestegious, want to be known, want to become famous, want to be known as a good person, want to be known as a great person , wants his/her name to last is on these reasons that one performs many of one's actions and thinks thougts or imagine situations..nobody wants his name to be defamed..most of the people wear good clothes ,does makeup for the same above reasons, likes to give unasked advices and their own logic for the same reason (maybe this one too), take patent rights for the same reasons..kill their daughters because their prestige is spoiled, commit suiside for the fear of loosing respect..want to help others..wants to do social i know people think they do social service out of their compassion(very few people do that)..most of them do it out of pity..pity has a sense of superiority..the real reason may be that inside the depths of the minds they want to be known as good people or they want 'punyam'..radhas mother scolded her daughter in law for the same above reasons and radha did not fled home for the same tarnishes their RESPECT..women asking for equal rights is nothing but asking for respect..considering women rights..the body structures, functions , harmones etc and also the way men and women think are different..both are unique in their own way..they souldnt be compared..its about masqulinity and i know they can be treated equally only in one thing that is all they shouldnt be compared..
from whom does one want respect ?..society..since one wants respect society matters..why does one want to be respected or want to be famous or great etc..i dont know..maybe it is out of the deep unconcious desire to be immortal, deathless,..since one cannot be deathless he wants atleast his/her name to live after his death i know great people are those who dont want to be respected..

partiallity towards boys...simple reason ..if they invest on is profit in the future..on girls its a loss..and they think they have to work their lives out to protect her..raise her and marry her..this was not there before in india .. i think poverty has caused this..

Anonymous said...

TRADITION:i suggest the blogger should do a lot of reasearch on indian tradition(i assume tradition and culture to be the same) ..there are specific and scientific reasons why indians follow certain traditions which will not appeal to the present and to an extent the previous one of the previous posts the blogger has mentioned about the hypocrisy in the indian minds regarding sexual desire or is an exellent post..but it appeared as if the blogger was diapproving or talking sarcasitically about certain aspects of the's not good to come to such quick conclusions by jus reading somewhere or listening to somebody..judging taj mahal by jus listening to what the guide says is not appropriate..a trustworthy person who is is well versed with its entire history should be i know in ancient times even upto 10th century ad ..there was science even in temple is said that these temple spaces were consecrated with positive energies..around many of these temples it is said that smaller temples were built were some people practiced occult sciences..though now it seems as a joke..previously every indian belived in karma,pastlives,tantra,atma,bad energies,good energies is said that these occult people would experiment with disembodied beings(believed that after death one becomes disembodied) is said that these beings can smell and are attracted to mentrual fluids is due to this reason that women were advised not to go to temples on those sestive days as it will have bad effects on them..but now there are no more such occult temples but people still follow that tradition..maybe traditions were created for appropriate reasons ..but the loss of those reasons make them look like insanity.......AYYAPPA was born to shiva and mohini and not shiva and vishnu..he was born to a man and a its completely natural..2.shiva loves parvati and parvati is sister of vishnu(as i know..they are twins)..when vishnu took mohini avtar..mohini just might have looked like parvati as vishnu and parvati are practically speaking shiva got attracted to his wife to so called obscene pictures in kajuraho has various stories revolving around it..they show all the pictures a dirty mind can imagine..and inside there is is said that people used meditate on these till they were free of all the filth and then go inside the temple..if u are attracted to those then its a proof that you still have sexual desire which is a barrier for liberation..its like a test..its not obsene..if we dint put the veils of civilization..maybe it would have seemed natural..
i have written this because i wanted to give my opinions to some of the blogger's questions..not all..
i have only written dis because the blogger has that questioning that blogger would question even more on many deeper things..her opinions are straight and to the point..i have just mentioned my opinion as i was given the right to comment..sorry if the above writings have hurt careful in forming conclusions and ready to question every thought