Thursday, September 26, 2013

Favor and reciprocity.

Life is not easy, Life is complicated, Life is this, Life is that- why do we need to go by others' definition of life? What is life? Why are we leading it? Why am I asking such foolish questions?

Because classes of existentialism, 100 readings alongwith 3 novels to complete everyday, alongwith those amazing extra curricular activities and the pressure of not being reluctant towards them, alongwith that friends who really lure you into their chitchat, my mind has reached a stage where it wants to get BORED. I AM NOT BORED. I AM NOT HAVING FITS OF BOREDOM. And it saddens me.

Right now I can't tell people- Man I am bored. Man, what to do, nothing is there to do. \

Okay, all this build up was for creating a scene so that you understand why I was out of touch with my blog- I DON'T HAVE the time. Well, a blogger should give no excuses. If you don't blog regularly, well, you are not a blogger.

So, today I took leave from my friends who were, again, luring me into their conversations, but today my love for blogging outdid everything.

Well, today what I want to discuss is friendship. What is it? Why do you need to have a friend by your side? Why does he/she need to deal with your ways and vice versa?

I am told to be a moody person, I am whimsical, I get angry very fast. Someone told me that whoever does NOT tell you you are all this, is your friend.

Friends don't tell you that you are a moody person, you are an angry person. They just subtly deal with you, and give you some hints here and there when you lose it. They just look you in the eye, and tell you that what you are doing is not right.

Friends, don't need to talk to you 100 times a day to show that they care. They just have to give you a smile, give a pat on the back and acknowledge your presence once in the day, and that just adds to the strength of your relationship.

Friends, taunt you. Yes they do, and it might be done out of fun or seriousness, but then that is how friendship is- friends are not there to correct you but make you feel you need to be corrected. But then when we talk about a notion, we forget we are friends to someone too. Then, there comes the notion of expectation. When we want all the stated qualities from someone, someone wants the same from us too.

Expectation is something which is a very ambiguous word- when you say friendship is a relationship which is built upon the bulwark of trust and all those altruistic qualities, one thinks should we expect friends to do something for us when we do something for them? It is very quizzical, as in our hearts, we all want a bit of reciprocity, but overtly we will say all I do is out of love, hence I don't expect or wait for a reciprocal action.

It is a myth, we all want reciprocity. We all want someone to do something for us, it is just that as it sounds socially deviating, we feel we should go by the books and say- No, I don't expect my friends to return my favour.

That is where we fail. Favour? Did you just say that? If you can call your deeds in friendship for a friend "Favor", I might as well stand strong with my notions of reciprocity. In friendship you don't owe or do a favour to someone, it is just that friendship is not a one way road, it is a complementing relationship where you have to return what you got, but just not be overt about it. Friendship is all about silence of love, silence of the acceptance of each other. One does not have to shout it out to make the other feel they are loved, but then a quiet "yes, you mean something to me", once in a while, is a reassurance to a strong, developing relationship.

Do you need reassurance? Many people won't agree with me, but I like to deviate, like always. Reassurance is not needed everyday, but we all are humans and we all have insecurities, no matter how much we deny. We need reassurance, not only through speech ( by saying Yes, I love you), but reassurance through action, feelings, again, silence of acceptance.

But this does not mean you sit with a check list and a sticky note thinking whether you have got the quintesstential friend in your life. You never will, if you go by certain definitions. You should not go by the blogpost too, this is my personal viewpoint. But then, all personal viewpoints when voiced out turn out to become conventions in future. Everyone of us has that friend who will always be there, we don't have to search for him/her. As friendship is not about searching for someone, it is about being approached, accepted, and loved.