Friday, November 22, 2013

Their Sadness cannot be your Happiness.


The person had promised me,
I will get happiness here.
I just have to come and look around.

I looked at others,
So sad and distraught,
not getting what they wanted.

But I will soon, I thought.
Poor lot!


Look at them!

An old man,
sitting on his wheelchair,
looked at a young couple,
with sad eyes.

The young couple,
looked at each other,
tears in their eyes,
they had just lost a child.

A young teenager,
looked at an infant,
and remembered those happy days.
Where toys were relief,
not snorting drugs.
The mother of the infant,
looked at it,
and became sad,
that he is going to grow up 
and go away.

Such a sad place,
Why did he want me to come
here?

To get what I wanted?
Where, no one seemed happy.

But I think I am happier than them,
Wait,
this is what he must have meant.
Look around,
there is much sadness.
And then look at yourself,
aren't you better off?


A pat on the back,
I turn and look,

No one is there.

A gush of air comes,

and I fall.
On my face.

I get up,
no one is there.
I am not in the foyer.

I look at the mirror,
there is an old man,
with sad eyes.

My heart skips a beat.
I close my eyes and open it again.
I am a young boy,
who has track marks on his hands.
I look at my hands, they are real.
I look at the mirror again,
but now I am a woman,
with an infant in my hand, 
crying with a mix of happiness and sadness.
Now I am a woman again,
in a patient's uniform.

Eyes red with tears,
With a dead child on my lap.

I try to take the child and throw away.

When I do,
I realise I threw nothing but my hands in the air.



I go to the mirror,
rub it with my hands,
I go through those stages 
of appearances again.


Finally, 

I get to see myself.
Something happens,
black ink falls on the mirror,
and changes into alphabets.


The old man might be 
remembering his wife,
the young couple,
might be deciding on conceiving again,
the young teenager,
might want to change his life
The mother might be overwhelmed,
that she birthed a new person in this world


Everyone is inside you,
Your sadness,
Others sadness
is your creation.
You are distraught,
because you want to be.
You think others are sad,
because you want to be happier than them.

You want to be happy,
but want someone else to give
you that happiness.

Maybe they are sad,
but how can others' sadness,
make you feel happy about yourself?

Sadness is a part of life,
everyone moves on,
everyone is happy.
No one gives it to you,
it is a cycle,
An unstable one.

One need not be perpetually sad,
just because they think,
happiness is momentary.
Then what is life about,
if not the ups and downs?
We have freedom to live,
but don't choose to go with the down,
as you don't expect an up.


I wiped the mirror,
went outside,
greeted the old man,
passed by the mother,
chuckled looking at the infant she carried,
went to the park,
looked at the young couple,
happy and smiling,
playing with the neighbour's kid.

I looked at the teenager boy,
who was helping an old woman 
cross the road.


 This is me at my ambiguous best. It is a free verse (Again). It is about how we expect others' sadness to satiate our hunger for our own happiness sometimes. When we see others are sad, we feel we are in a better position. But sometimes, we feign others' sadness to just feel good about ourselves. We think others are sadder than us because we want it to be like that. Because we WANT to be happier than them. But that is not how the world is. Yes, people are sad around us, but don't let it be the pointer to your happiness. And yet another notion, sadness is something which is as momentary as happiness. Some people lose heart on the fact that their life is a roller coaster, there are ups and downs and it just gets worse every time. Some people choose to stay with the down, because they know that after a momentary up, there HAS to be a down, so why not stay where they are going to come back to anyway? But that is not how it is. It means you are trying to straitjacket your life. But one day you WILL find yourself wavering from your principles, so why choose something which is not going to stay?

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