Thursday, December 26, 2013

Five and a Gift Box!

This post is a part of the 1001 Gifts Activity by HDFC Life in association with BlogAdda.

 Gift is something which is either taken too seriously or not given a damn about in India. Some people have the habit of playing passing the pass with gifts. Don't like it ? Gift it to someone else. And then sometimes the chain is so long that the gift returns back to the person who was number one in the line. Shameful, isn't it?

Okay this is a different topic altogether.

Well the question in the contest is to tell about 5 gifts I will want to give my child. I am not married yet, but I am nearing 20, when people in the 90's usually got married (there, that's another topic :O). I think gifts don't need to be materialistic. Of course the child will want the latest mobile( I did) or the latest tube top and filthy jeans (Guilty as charged), but as the description of the contest itself said, a 6 year old kid will soon turn into 16.  An IPhone will look sexy, but instead of enhancing my kid's/nephew's sex appeal, I shall gift what he needs. Not that I am God, that  I know what he/she/other needs,  that the kid will  plan and I will laugh, it is just that I was 16 three years ago. :-P
16, is termed as sweet but believe me ( you will, you all were 16 once) that it is nowhere NEAR sweet. In India, most of us are in class 11th when we are 16, that class sandwiched between two board exam classes. We think this rift is the gala time, but hell no. This is when we think we are leaders of the world and end up doing half of the mistakes we will count when we are 70.
 So a jeans? No Sir. This-

Five things:

1. A Mirror: Probably my nephew/future kid will slap/abhor me, but a mirror is what a teen needs. Self reflexion: Before blaming, before calling others "more beautiful than I" etc, one needs to look at the unique perfection and basic mistake in oneself. We all are marred by experiences in life and our face is the first and the best reflective surface for who we are. A mirror, is also a psychological enhancer of personality. Self esteem, self efficacy can actually increase by standing in front of the mirror. I will just say Snow White was full of shit. Don't ask the  mirror how beautiful you are. A piece of glass can't answer that. You can!

2. Art of Cooking:
I will teach my nephew/future kid how to cook. Boys feel girls do the cooking, it is their job. Well then our hypocrtic society has chefs who are mostly men.  Cooking has three purposes: 1. If he has to ever live alone, it will help him to cook something other than Maggi. Indirectly, increasing the child's self sufficiency 2. Cooking is the best way to impress a person. So, attack the stomach with awesome cooking yo!  3. To make them realise domestic life is as hard as life with a laptop in a cubicle.
So see, art of cooking is better than any art of living. Because, cooking is an art, living is not.

3. Color Neutral Rooms, gender neutral notions : I will follow Marie in Breaking Bad: When in trouble, Purple. Okay those of you, who didn't understand: Blue, pink are the most irritating colors nowadays. Why can't a boy play House-House and a girl soccer?  A 16 year old, should understand that only their genitals vary, not their rights and freedoms. He/she/other should know that stereotypes lead to nothing, but bigger problems. Like idiotic SC decisions. Yeah.

4. No net nanny, child lock, but an ear and a word: Well this won't work for my nephew. It is their parents' job. So:
I will assure my future kid knows that he/she/other has no restrictions whatsoever. Experientially speaking, those friends of mine who had these restrictions,  once they got out of home, they did EVERYTHING their parents had thought they won't 'dare' to. Along with the "do whachu want kid" ideology, I will tell them: Feel free to discuss porn, sex, and also: I am letting you free, and if you use the freedom for cyber crimes, I will let you go. For good.
Will this be successful? I am a living example. :P my parents NEVER scared me of child locks. I and my mother used to laugh at FASHION TV together. The friend who said "haww" when he learnt this, erm, he got caught in the "act" when he went to study somewhere else other than home

5. A Medicine Pack: Blogadda, you must be thinking this girl has
A. Lost it
B. Is not taking this seriously
C. Has seriously lost it.
Anti histamines, anti biotics and all the anti stuff. Just that, I will tell them there is no medicine for alcohol, pot and joint. I will say "Seriously, I tried finding. Well, I can't save you kid from weed and whisky. Sorry! You gotta take care of that yourself!"

Other hackneyed things like education, investment, insurance and all those Wall Street words, well, I will leave that to the future Dad. Hey, he has to do something too. Plus economics is my weak subject. This is economics, right? O.o

PS- Those who didn't understand why I have written "he/she/other". First, it is not that I term homosexuals  as 'other'. It is just that I wanted to draw your attention to this fact. The fact that , that's the biggest gift box I could ever gift all these five things to my child- the freedom to be what he is, how he is and how he wants to be. Why should I speculate my child to be only a girl or a boy? If he/she is gay, lesbian, bisexual or a transgender, his/her biggest gift will be similar treatment and no sympathy. Boys don't gain sympathy for being a boy, neither do girls( well, that's debatable). So why should they?

So these are the  things for my child's future, with one gift box binding everything :- Be what you want to be.

1 comment:

Arvind Passey said...

Liked your gift-list... much better than the cliched ones most of the others seem to have opted for. And thank god, you did not commit the ultimate harakiri of adding 'insurance' as one of the gifts. :)

Arvind Passey