Tuesday, February 11, 2014

What your life was.

Sometimes you get this sudden urge to tell everything to a person from whom you are hiding things for a long time. This is that splitsecond when you do NOT care what that other person may think, may feel, you just want to unload the baggage, sometimes shift it to the other person. In that splitsecond you do not think of the repercussions your actions will bring about. 

But it DOES bring about repercussions. Sometimes it brings about unintended yet good consequences. Yet, you feel that your friendship or relationship is tainted now, because of the things been confessed or told. If it was a good thing which the person had not thought about, or has been taken aback by, the person's actions and behaviour will always seem to be affected by what you had once said. Seem, that is the word. Is it you thinking that the person's actions are affected, or is it really so?

I am a very negative person nowadays, thinking of coffins when I smell flowers types. I used to be very optimistic, very sunny and thinking life is a box of happy surprises. Well, Robert Lynd was right- As children, We had the illusion in those days that happiness was going to last for ever. There was no past or future. But well, we all know how it is really, is not it?

It is because of the transitional point of time I am in- I am away from my constant guides, who used to shelter me from everything and anything. I don't need them for everything now, which is a good thing, but sometimes you feel how covered you were from the mishaps of daily life, thanks to them. 

Going towards adulthood is one pain in the ass of a feat-

You tend to think too much, dig in to the other person's inner beliefs and try to extract what he/she thinks of you. Existential thoughts are rampant, and you feel that you are too philosophical. This does not apply to everyone of course, but then we can't deny the fact that there comes a time in all our lives when we think about the whys and the hows of our lives.

Coming back to unloading the baggage, it depends on what kind of baggage you unloaded. Did you tell the person you did not like something he/she did and always kept quiet, or did you confess your love, or did you say something which you heard from somebody. It can be trivial, it can be huge. As it is a baggage, it will always be carried. But yet, it has to be dropped somewhere, right?

When you read this, or write this, you suddenly think that you are wasting time thinking about all such Frankl-ian thoughts. You have so much to do and you are here pondering over all this.

But is life only about hedonism, when all you will do in your last breath is think about what your life was, and not your last assignment, call or business meeting?

I feel like Calvin.

I sure do.

1 comment:

Ashwin Kanan said...

I love the way you write. Esp loved it how you ended :) May the poet persona always have an overflow of happiness :)