Saturday, April 4, 2015

To do or not to do- Rant of a Chronic Overthinker.

Fun exercise: read this verse in three maximum four breaths :D

Should we, should we not
Would they, would I not,
Pros and cons,
What is present
Why the past,
How the future
will make it last,
What are the odds?
Why no evens?
How odd I am
How is this even possible?
What can happen? What won't happen?
What will we stop from happening?
Should I start?
Should I end?
Should I say hello,
Will they say goodnight?
Should I put forward?
Or take it backward?
Why did they say that?
Why did I say that?
Why did I say that in this way?
What are the other ways?
Why are their only ways which ways cannot find more ways for?
Can I go to the rain?
I love rains, I love the feeling, the smell of the ground, the mud
But what if I get dirty?
What will my mom say? But I guess she will be okay.
Let's go in the rain.
Let's do something without thinking for a while.
But I have thought so much already.

This is basically my brain in a day. Chronic overthinking is not to be taken lightly, apparently. Obviously I have googled it. It makes you so goddamn tautological in life. Contentedness is a matter of millisecond. We are content, then question our contentment, then question the whole process of questioning. Life is lived in infinite regress.

Even an impulse, is a thought. A thought which is spontaneous. But is there still space for utter, mad, randomness? Something that did not arise out of any kind of thought?

Something which arises out of emotion, is what I feel is the most random thing we do. When we feel, and not think.

Feelings and thought process are different, and sometimes the thought process diminishes the power of feeling and we end up doing something we never wanted to, or not do what we desired.

So what should we do? Feel? Or think?

Let me think about it.

Or maybe just look at my spirit animal Calvin and sigh.

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